One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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