you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
