How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i will never coherently bang her
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
