i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
