I think I died a long time ago.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think your dad took our porno
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
