this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I currently don't understand fingers.
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