I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize