is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
