im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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