Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
