also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
