i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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