Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
