just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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