my sisters under your porch take her home
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
