found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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