I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
