I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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