i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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