Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
