I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
