standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
