The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
