We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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