I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize