I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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