remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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