So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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