Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize