I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize