I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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