Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
