i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
