whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
