Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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