some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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