Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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