Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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