Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
