Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
