had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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