Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
