You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize