I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
