I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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