there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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