You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
