I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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