sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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