so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
