Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
