you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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