please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
