That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
