i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
