U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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