ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
