some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
