I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
