if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
