did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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