wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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