u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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