Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize