it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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