and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
