If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
