Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize