I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
