I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
