it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
