carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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