im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
