The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
