we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
do nipples grow back?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
